Why Peter?
by Mr.Crouch'sDaughter
Summary: "Why Peter?" Kalinda asked. But that wasn't the real question, the real question was: Why not Will? (Post 5x15)


**A/N:** Just a one-shot.

 **Disclaimer:** The Good Wife belongs to its creators. No money is made by this work of fiction.

 **Rating:** PG-13

 **Summary:** "Why Peter?" Kalinda asked. But that wasn't the real question, the real question was: Why not Will? (Post 5x15)

 **Why Peter?**

"Why Peter?" Kalinda asked.

It's been three months since Will died, three months in which Alicia's mind has travelled back and forth between the two men she had loved, between Georgetown and the scandal and now. And finally, this question. Of course it had to be Kalinda, the other person she shared an ambivalent relationship with, from colleagues to friends to _I-hate-your-guts_ to colleagues...

Why Peter?

That wasn't the real question. What was hidden behind these two words was: Why not Will?

How many times has she pondered this? How many nights has she asked herself the same damn question over and over, just in the last three months?

* * *

Will came first. At Georgetown. She met him in the library, on a windy day in autumn, her long sleek hair not as sleek then.

He was studying, or to be precise: pretending to be studying, while throwing a baseball in the air and catching it. Most of the time. The other times, it fell on the ground with a soft but noisy sound and disturbed her.

The reason she had addressed Will had been his stupid baseball. Sweet irony.

She rose from her desk and walked over to him, narrowing her eyes, raising an eyebrow, pretending to be tougher than she was at that time.

"Would you please stop that?" she asked.

He raised his head and a boyish grin sneaked onto his lips. "Stop what?" he said, throwing the baseball up in the air again.

She thought it was stupid. She thought he wanted to look like James Dean, an all laid-back rebel and she caught the baseball in midair, snatched it out of his fingers.

His eyes lit up with surprise and he looked at her, really looked at her and suddenly, appeared very quiet.

"Sorry," he said, took the baseball out of her hand and into his bag.

For a second, she was stunned. She hadn't expected it to be that easy.

Then, his eyes travelled to her desk. "Criminal law?" he asked.

She nodded her head.

"Shall we study together?"

* * *

She can't recall why she agreed. Maybe because he was attractive. Maybe just because he was there.

* * *

She kissed him first. She kissed him first because there was this tension between them, ever since her second year, ever since they had had too much of Tequila at Trisha Hover's college party, where he had had to carry her into her dorm.

He never said a thing, but after that, she caught him staring at her, quietly. And whenever she asked him what he was thinking, he turned away from her and his neck flashed crimson. Never his cheeks. Just his neck.

So, she kissed him, thinking it would make things easier, thinking it was just imagination.

Stupid, of course.

While her kiss was really innocent – a brush of her lips against his – the reaction was not.

He pulled her close and kissed her back with fierce honesty and urgent desire, a kiss to take your breath away, to sweep you off your feet.

And it did. In that moment, she wished nothing but for him to rip her clothes off and take her, once, twice, forever.

He did not. As if astounded by his own lust, he made a step back.

"I didn't mean to," he said and looked as confused as she felt.

"No worries," she replied with a smile.

* * *

A week later he told her he had broken up with his girlfriend and his eyes shone with hope and doubt and everything between.

Alicia didn't take the bait. She told him she was sorry and the issue was dropped. She didn't know why, then. She told herself she didn't want to risk this formidable friendship for meaningless sex, but that wasn't exactly true. The truth was that his restraint in that one moment of desire had shown her one thing: Will Gardner was a man who had trouble taking what he wanted.

And she didn't want that. She wanted a man taking power and using it, for the good, of course. A man knowing what he wanted and taking it, against the odds. A man sure of himself, of his determination, his plans.

And then came Peter Florrick and he was all of that. Good-looking, smart, charming, self-assured. One of her friends found him arrogant, but Alicia cast that aside quickly. And her friend as well.

Peter Florrick was a big hitter. He wanted to be DA one day, or governor and whenever he talked about that, his words left no doubt he'd achieve it.

Will Gardner wanted to have his own law office, but whenever he talked about it, it seemed like a boyish dream.

Peter Florrick had a plan.

Will Gardner had dreams.

And Alicia wanted a plan.

* * *

Now, three months after Will's death, Alicia didn't care much about plans. Plans were ruined, by the people making them, by the people around, by luck, by chance, by a scandal, by wrong decisions... By everything.

Now she wanted dreams. Now she wanted laughter and insecurity and an unplanned tomorrow... Now she wanted Will.

" _Why Peter?"_ Kalinda had asked.

She looked at the younger woman, the reason she left her husband and her eyes shone with regret.

"Because I wanted to be part of his plans more than I wanted to be part of Will's dreams," she said.

It was the short version of a long story – but still the truth.

* * *

 _If you've got a second, please tell me what you think. I appreciate it._


End file.
